The dawn chill of autumn,
Causing fog at the mouth when we speak
The pale sliver of sunlight,
Turning the spider webs to crystal dream-catchers
The amber hay bales in the fields,
Surrounded by a halo of hovering particles
The corn drying on the stalks, crisp and crunchy,
Forming a maze for children’s games
The old barns on the hills, chipped and decrepit,
Like the haunted houses in campfire tales
The goldenrod, dancing in the wind,
Holding their blonde heads high in the meadow
The heavy mist in the valley
Swirling ‘round trees once gay green, now elegant orange
There is so much life, and yet beneath the surface
The sting of death threatens
The bite in the air suggests it,
Piercing clothing to make one shiver
There is a stillness settling over the earth
Like the first and last day of creation
The birds’ songs are softer
Like Elfin lays lamenting a fading glory
The color of the leaves is bursting bright
But will soon turn to blood, wither, and fall
The moments seem to crawl by
Like the spread of frost across a window pane
The nights come suddenly, like a thief
Without the summer sun to ward them off
They are heavier now
Like the winter blankets taken from attic chests
My soul is burdened
By an awareness of aloneness
As empty as a jack-o-lantern
With a nightmarish expression of despair
As hollow as the eye-sockets
Of a moldering skull
As meaningless as the echo
Of cawing crows flying over the pumpkin clusters
I long for fire instead of ice
For understanding instead of confusion
For the embrace of loved ones long gone
Instead of my own arms braced against the cold
But most of all, I long for God
To ask to feel the presence of Him
Is a thing that is known to wound
Agony comes with ecstasy
Even for the saints, among whom I hold no place
Brilliance is blinding and searing
When it pierces the smothering blackness
But I would take it, nonetheless
Sink me into fire, plunge me into ice,
But do not let me wander alone in shadows
Let us have a place all to ourselves
Where I can lay my head on Your breast
Where I may hear your voice whispering
Out of the gentle breeze, no longer chilling
Let us be lover and beloved in the depth of the night
And let not my own self separate us
For You are the Love of Loves
The delight of all things, the breath of life
Let me at least tend the wounds
That I caused you to receive, as a handmaid
Let me feel the peace that comes with fullness
For an instant, to light the winter’s dark
Be the flame of autumn in this changing, chilling world
And in my trembling heart
It is all I need